Hold the front page!

Wednesday May 17

Today's the day our weekly paper, the Spilsby Standard hits the streets. It's eagerly awaited not, as is unkindly said, so that residents can check the obituary columns to see if they are in them, but for the sensational local news items. This week's edition is no disappointment. Here, verbatim, is the report of just one of the cases faced by our ever-alert Emergency Services:
Wedding ring had to be cut off
Fire and rescue teams had to cut a woman's wedding ring off because it was causing her finger to swell.
The incident happened at Woodlands Fishery, Spilsby, just after 5pm on Friday.
The fire crew used ring-cutters to help the woman who was not injured.

There we are then. Dramatic or what? In other news, Magistrates have ordered psychiatric reports on Mike Jolkin for a series of hoax 999 calls to HM Coastguards. 18-year-old Mike had joined the Skegness Lifeboat crew on March 1st fancying some excitement but the boat had not, so far, been launched. Elsewhere, Partney is looking for a "new tradition". Apparently unfazed by the contradiction in terms, Partney bigwigs are seeking a replacement for the ancient Sheep Fair which had been held since 1086 but folded for good three years ago due to lack of sheep.

Meanwhile, East Lindsey Council is set to attract more visitors to the area through a novel and, given our weather and sea conditions, very brave idea of a Beach Cinema. People will sit in deckchairs on the sand while films are projected on to a giant screen located on a ship moored out to sea - with councillors apparently oblivious to the comic potential of the idea.

And there's also a full-colour picture of the line-up (self excluded) at our last Friday's Open Mike Night, together with correctly spelled names. You read it here first!