Owt about Nowt

People stumble across this blog for all sorts of reasons. Some stay and read, most don't. The guy on today's hit-counter who found his way here while googling 'trouser twists in Warrington' would have been among the the disappointed ones I expect. I must say, it had me baffled, especially the Warrington bit. I'd have forgotten I'd ever been there if I hadn't blogged it - all I remember is the spectacular urban blight and a Travelodge that reminded me of what an open prison must be like. But anyway.. trouser twists? Not a gay code-word, or even a traditional dance performed by brawny Lancashire lads and lasses - nope they're for tucking your trousers into to keep them level with the top of combat boots, military style. A snip at only £1.95 a pair if that's what turns you on.

Speaking of which, credit where it's due. This time last year, you could hardly put your foot on my front lawn without tripping over a mole-hill or sinking into a tunnel. I tried everything including firing a shotgun down the holes but the little blighters just laughed and invited their families over. Nothing worked until, in desperation it must be said, I bought an Advanced Solar Mole Repeller from Primrose of London. Blow me, it sent them packing. It just sits there buzzing away and the moles can't bear it. The noise it makes is obviously the rodent equivalent of James Blunt and they just bugger off at the first sound. Brilliant.

5 woefully over-rated things: Saw this on another website. Here's my random choice.

John Lennon
Little Britain
Barack Obama
iPhones and
Picasso

* * *

Quite a few under-rated things, too. One of them is sardines. Delicious. But not for the squeamish, I cleaned a dozen yesterday, up to the elbows in guts and goo, their innocent little faces looking up at me. Must be the nostalgic association with beaches, barbies, bikinis and shagging in dunes, then. Four more are:
Lincolnshire
Automatic gearboxes
Ryanair (when they haven't abandoned you at Gdansk) and
Saxophones.