Apologise? Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Cripes! Boris has done it again! First it was the whingeing Scousers, then the Headhunters of Borneo, now it's his Stuff Skegness remarks causing furore among the natives. Council Leader Doreen Stephenson was enraged, even breaking off from a fact-finding mission to a Buckingham Palace Garden Party to call for a grovelling apology. Shame she was so humourless, and couldn't have forseen that her shrill and shallow kneejerk howl of distress was exactly the sort of thing that makes backwater resorts items for derision in the first place. Something more in tune with the panache of BJ's article might have had more of the desired effect and brought some much-needed good publicity. Ah well.

Strange photo the Telegraph chose, though. It shows a bloke who appears to have arrived on the beach after tunneling his way in - possibly from HMP North Sea Camp just down the coast, or Butlins a mile the other way. No doubt his chums on the Escape Committee are putting on a Knobbly Knees Contest to distract the Redcoats, while others shuffle round the exercise yard shaking sand out of their trousers.

Just above him, there's another reason for Boris to choose elsewhere for his hols. It's one of the dozens of windmills in Britain's Largest Offshore Windfarm (BLOW), thoughtfully provided right in front of the Front, so that the view out to sea is of a forest of 150ft pylons, each with their propellors which - on a good day - can provide enough electricity to run.. ooh I dunno.. at least a couple of chip-shops, I should think. Course, if he turns and looks the other way, he'll see the ruins of the Grand Parade complex that burned down last summer - still standing like a row of rotten teeth in the heart of Skeg, still waiting for Cllr. Mrs. Stephenson's council to get a grip on the planning applications.

Boris says he's going abroad despite the example set by Brown's patriotic sojourn in Southwold, where the poor bugger will be holed up with nothing to do in the drizzle, except hope Ms Harman screws things up quickly enough for him to make an emergency dash back to Downing Street to show us all how masterful he is in a crisis. No doubt his spin-doctors are working on a disaster for him to solve at this very moment. Plague and floods worked wonders last year. Look out for fire and famine this time!